Titaníque at Criterion Theatre

Ah, Titanic, the modern tale of Romeo and Juliet at sea, crossing the divide between rich and poor, all in the name of love. What made that movie so irresistible? Possibly the charming face of Leonardo Di Caprio, or the candid performance of Kate Winslet, the monumental setting, or the touching score, particularly, the theme music by the one and only Celine Dion… talking about the latter, what if the singer happened to be present over 100 years ago on that same deck where Rose and Jack met and fell in love? Co-authors Marla Mindelle, Constantine Rousoul and Tye Blue have had a go at telling the story from Dion’s very own point of view, and the results are unsinkably hilarious.

A group visit to the Titanic museum is interrupted by a hooded lady who is revealed to be Celine Dion (Astrid Harris) in a shimmering dress and blonde bob, claiming she knows the real story of what happened on the ship, and is keen on sharing with the audience her memories. It follows a singing sequence, during which the key characters are introduced, as well as the accidents that made them meet, fall in love, argue, and the real reason behind the fatal speeding up of the boat. When Tina Turner, the Iceberg (Ryan Carter), side-splittingly breaks in, will all the passengers be able to save their lives?

The lead of this single act (110 minutes without interval) is obviously a very charismatic Celine, interpreted by an outstanding Harris who mimics the singer’s gestures, the most recognisable lines, the affectionate appeals and engagement with the audience. Her voice is stupendous, and it’s her interaction with the room that keeps the comical narrative going and continuously warms up the stage.

Slapstick, abundant innuendo and unapologetically sexual satire, along with paradoxical exchanges (including a Beauty and the Beast cameo), turn the romance at the heart of the 1997 film into an absurd, out-of-the-ordinary comedy. The peak is reached with Carl Mullaney (in the shoes of Rose’s mother, Ruth) when, midway through the run, he explodes in a comic tirade that hits from tourists not standing on the right-hand side of the escalators, to the latest Beckham social media spat and Abba productions. It’s ludicrous, and in his cabaret-style delivery, Mullaney is absolutely fantastic.

Carter (playing the Seaman as well as the Iceberg, and other small appearances) has a tremendous stage presence and a wonderful voice, as do the backing vocalists, Corrine Priest, Madison Swan and Damien Winchester.

The music is a great support throughout, and it fits lots of moments during the performance well. However, for the genre, it can at times feel a little detached, unless hyped up by enthusiastic dancing acts, such as the solo of Michael Vinsen as Victor Garber.

An irreverent take on the classic film, dominated by a larger-than-life Dion, Titaníque knows exactly how to entertain on a midweek evening. Near, far, wherever you are, it has successfully sailed past the first anniversary of its London run.